ron sexsmith: a guy who yelled out "you're fat" at an everly brothers show.

amy the aislers set: having beer bottles thrown at me while opening for, ahem...pavement. whatever.

matt shinkansen: "less structure in the music, please!" directed at huggy bear, newport TJ's, 1992 (newport in south wales, not rhode island).

claudia the magnetic fields: after our first performance of songs from 69 love songs at the bowery ballroom: "you sound like you moved to connecticut!"

nick "momus" currie: I positively invited hecklers on my last tour. they had to come up on stage, give me $10, and I'd sing a song about them. one gave me a polythene bag filled with his own sperm. I suppose that's about as tangible as heckling gets.

stephin the magnetic fields: when an audience member screamed that the volume was too loud (which it was), nanci griffith replied in her delicate, little-girl voice, "I don't come to where you work and yell at you."

john true love always: we did a show at this biker bar in charlottesville with our friends pro rock s, who play incredibly slow music. this one zz top-looking guy starts to call all of us faggots and such at great volume during and after each song. so they begin to play "hold on loosely" by .38 special, but at about one-tenth the original speed, and 400 percent of the original southern accent. and the more the heckling intensifies, the song gets slower and slower. it lasted for about ten minutes.

frances cannanes: we love hecklers.

james dump: the legend goes that a certain nyc guitarist paid top dollar for front row seats to a beach boys show in atlantic city, and fulfilled his lifelong dream of savagely heckling mike love in person (i wish i'd thought of that).

sam quasi: once, in a former band, I had to kick someone's ass off the stage, as he was screaming "you suck!" into the face of our bass player while we were playing. he landed back in the audience and promptly got into a fairly serious fist fight with another friend of mine. they were both escorted out of the venue as we kept on playing. we didn't even stop the song. I didn't actually kick him -- I planted my foot on his ass and gave him a firm shove. my hands were busy playing the guitar. besides that, who keeps screaming "guns & roses!" between every song at every new york elliott smith show?

mike fellows: I tried to heckle the beta band at a festival because their manager had punched my friend sam. but I was on the ecstasy and it seemed to be coming out all wrong. then it turned out I was in the wrong tent and I had been yelling at the trevor pipe instead.

elisabeth solex: dutch people abroad in the audience singing the national anthem. that happened more than once actually.

john the magnetic fields: (worst): magnetic fields show, summer 1996. dune tunes III on cape cod. there was a drunken trombonist in the audience.

connie the pacific ocean: playing somewhere in NJ and hearing from the audience someone yell out "the cranberries, the cranberries!!!"

andrew beaujon: imagine my chagrin when I learned that "bawheed poofter!" isn't glaswegian for "rock on!"

ira yo la tengo: when johnny cash's audience in atlanta grew audibly restless late in our set, I suggested that this must be an example of the fabled southern hospitality. surprisingly, my attempt to lighten the mood proved unsuccessful.

chris future bible heroes: best: at a future bible heroes show: "play 'born on a train!'"

kendall "mascott" meade: one of the first juicy shows was late at night at brownies. some drunk guy who staggered in off of avenue a kept screaming "stop the pain!" after every song. it was pretty hilarious.

isaac quannum: "the pointy birds, a-pointy pointy, anoint my head, annointy nointy."

dougee the gentle people: was when we were performing in berlin at the templhof airport lounge. we won't go on about how everything was a disaster leading up to the gig so lets just say, laurie and honeymink were wearing very low cut dresses and the stage was very high. we had this one german man screaming into our faces in german which we couldn't understand and while we did our dance routines and choreography, he was trying to copy us. we were trying to stay calm and serene but it was getting very stressful especially when this guy was shouting in your face. we kept our cool, even when he laid down on the stage and looked up honeymink and laurie's dresses. Immediately after going off stage we were infuriated as we were backstage and I (dougee dimensional) went back to the stage to retrieve some props and this guy was playing with our psychedelic umbrellas we use for the show. I went ballistic and pushed him off the stage onto the floor and told him, "don't f*** with the gentle people".

mary timony: one time when helium was in austria, someone "sabotaged" the sound board. while alan, our sound guy wasn't looking, this guy ran up, and turned all the faders on the board to zero while we were playing.

sasha ui: we (ui) only get heckled once, in new orleans, and it was lame. I felt so not heckled. I have seen not enough good heckling.

joe pines/foxgloves: the foxgloves go electric. a fat, ignorant drunk in the audience shouts 'judas!' 'I don't believe you', snaps foxgloves1, 'you're a liar'.

cathy marine research: huggy bear heckling this idiot tv presenter on a live tv show was pretty damn funny. they got thrown out and I have some recollection of an ear-biting incident somewhere along the way.

john phosphene/electroscope: following the first piece at the first ever electroscope show, a guy who turned out to be the nephew of a '60s pop star (and proud of it! shouted "you guys rock!" oh to see the world through his eyes!!

david huon/driving past: andrew harper was my best ever heckler, if indeed it was andrew harper. very wildean. when I was playing with the cannanes at the evelyn hotel in 1991 or thereabouts. he was good because he was very loud and boisterous yet so drunk -- actually he was really pissing me off -- I met him years later and he thought I didn't know what he'd done, or possibly he didn't remember. and now julian teakle is borrowing my copy of crossing the red sea with the adverts so that andrew harper can sing gary gilmore's "eyes with the frustrations." must remember to go along and refer to him as 'aslan' again (yes, it was on that kind of heckling level).

ld flare: flare shows are generally characterized by one dimbulb freak chattering away while the rest of the audience is politely trying to shush him or her...usually I say something smartass and they shut up. once this nice band opened for us and it was clear it was one of their early gigs because literally all their family members and friends were there... and they stayed for our set and talked and talked and talked at full volume through our first two songs. at which point I said: "thanks so much to everyone who's being so quiet. and will the rest of you please leave immediately?" and voila! they did! very gratifying.

gordon the fan modine: worst: disinterested sleater kinney fans shouting "peaches" during some of the more subtle moments of the show.

jeff aden: when we played with the frogs in pittsburgh, one of their drunk fans started a huge fight. he was heckling the frogs, but they were sort of heckles of approval; if that makes any sense at all. I guess I don't have enough space to elaborate, but the evening ended a show-stopping brawl in a club with no security. it looked like a movie just because there were so many punches and kicks that actually landed. needless to say, the boys from true love always kicked some major ass that night.

mike poconos: at the end of my first show, I thanked the audience for "being so indulgent." my friend tim responded by yelling, "thanks for being so self-indulgent!" I turned several shades of red, I'm told. CF